Re: Happy Fun Ball Transcript
Warning: silliness ahead. Expect no meaningful content. (:3
On Wed, 1 Mar 1995, Paul Gettle wrote:
> Here's the transcript of the original Happy Fun Ball comercial.
> As someone noted, the word fox does not appear anywhere in the text.
And my handy-dandy checklist of applicability to the HFF... (:3
> It's Happy!
> It's Fun!
> It's Happy Fun Ball!
Check, check, and check. (Odd thought: anybody know what we should call
the move in the games where Tails emulates Sonic's Spin Dash? No suitably
cute names occur to me, sadly... except maybe the Happy Fox Ball...)
> Yes, it's Happy Fun Ball,
> the toy sensation
> that's sweeping the nation.
> Only 14.95 at participating stores!
Sounds like time to add a few items to the Merchandise List. (:3 Are the
Sonic 3 Happy Meal toys on it? I have the Tails one, and can describe it
for the interested...
> Get one Today
Pity there's only the one to go around. (:3
> Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid
> prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.
Hmm. None of the above in Knothole, excepting Tails himself, so we dunno...
> Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
(grins) (image of rather beat-up looking Badnik) <YOU AIN'T JUST WHISTLIN'
> Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which if exposed due to rupture
> should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
This brings back unfortunate memories of that Tails spooge pic... (:3
> Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.
No comment. (:3
> Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs:
> * Itching
Only if you're allergic to fox fur. (:3
> * Vertigo
> * Dizziness
So close your eyes before going on helifox rides. (:3
> * Tingling in extremities
> * Loss of balance or coordination
> * Slurred speech
> * Temporary blindness
Err, next time take some oxygen with you before going *that* high... (:3
> * Profuse Sweating
> * Heart palpitations
Acrophobes should not be riding the HFF anyway. (:3
> If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter
> and cover head.
As this usually precedes his transformation to Super Happy Fun Fox, this
is wise advice. Those bluebirds are vicious little sods. (:3
> Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.
Fortunately, only 'Buttnik has any exposed skin to worry about. Well, him
and Rotor, but that's already been tested as safe.
> When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special
> container and kept under refrigeration.
No way! Tails is best at room temperature! (:3
> Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products
> Incorporated, and it's parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of any
> and all liability.
Probably a subsidiary of Robotnik's mechanical empire. No wonder they
want you to stick Tails in a cold box. (:3
> Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which
> fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
Support for the mutation hypothesis? Or maybe he was bitten by a
radioactive bluebird? (:3
> Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is
> also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
(image: a couple news reporters getting footage of the smashed city
outside their hotel room. A noise like a toy helicopter is heard seconds
before a two-tailed fox heaves into view of the window, struggling with a
massive Badnik bomb. "Which way to 'Botnik's bunker?" he gasps out; upon
getting two directions that agree, he putters off into the distance.)
> Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
He might cry. He might pout. Or he might turn into Super Happy Fun Fox
and have you pecked to death by vicious bluebirds. (:3
> Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee.
Does that mean if he breaks we can get a new one? (:3
> Happy Fun Ball! Accept no substitutes!
---Fred M. Sloniker, stressed undergrad
L. Lazuli R'kamos, FurryMUCKer
"Hi! I'm Talky Tina! Here's your extra ball!" *BOOM.* "Heeheeheehee!"
Received on Wed Mar 01 1995 - 17:51:25 PST
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