Re: The War on Atlanta part XL

From: Paul Kemner <pkemner_at_bright.net>
Date: Tue, 2 Jul 1996 23:04:45 -0400 (EDT)

><A red beam illuminates the dash as he cranks the car. The rear view mirror
>reflects the cold light of a gleaming red eye.>

meanwhile...
Paul: Great going, Beyooff! Did you ever think about just *asking* the guy
for a ride? He let you use the radio, after all!

BB: Hearing the radio go dead on Nick when the Badillac showed up just got
me excited, I guess. There's no help for it now.

<As the two chug past a billboard touting some totally useless TV show, a
bubble-topped annoyance-vehicle rockets from behind the billboard, to give
chase to the hapless underpowered piece of crap.>

meanwhile, on a diesel-belching bus headed down the road to Atlanta:
DJ: Now waiiiiit a minute- You really *can* talk, and you really *are*
talking to me? Ed didn't mention anything about you talking- I would have
remembered that!

Ed's Sword: Ed just didn't need very much advice, he seems to blow things up
pretty well on his own, and he never asked me any questions. I did whisper
at him a bit, on a subliminal level. He was going to lend you a stuck-up
Japanese Cavalry Sabre for this trip, and I couldn't let *that* happen.

DJ: So what's the story- Am I the umpteenth descendant of some ancient mage,
or some great hero of the past reincarnated, that you decided to talk to
me?- and why can you talk, anyway.

Ed's Sword: No- as far as I can tell, you're quite ordinary. Er- I mean in a
mythic sense at least- except for some exceptional literary talent. *I* on
the other hand have a really interesting history, but there's not time to go
into it all now. Suffice it to say that I became a sword when I, a
particularly talented smith/mage on the Plateau of Leng, was working on a
billet of StarSteel. I was surprised from behind by a nasty little Ghast. I
fell onto the white-hot steel, and my spirit merged with some sort of alien
device that comprised the steel. I've been forged and re-forged into many
forms, and had countless adventures. Now I'm here to help you defeat the
MindLuller, the Ur-Ted, as I've called him.

DJ: If you're a hallucination, at least you're an interesting one. OK, I'll
go along for the ride. What do I call you? Ed's Sword just sounds to clumsy.

Ed's Sword: I have been known by many names, but the one I like best is
ShoggothBane. (Capitalize the 'B'- I'm a real sucker for internal
capitalization- It's probably one of the reasons I was interested in helping
you on your quest for the SwatKats!)

DJ: OK, ShoggothBane- Pleased to meet you. *Now* what do we do?

ShoggothBane: I sense we are fast approaching two katfans in need. Get the
driver to stop near those cars up there. Then *move*, and do whatever is
necessary.

<DJ looked ahead, to see an old grey junker stoped by a state police car.
She had the driver stop the bus, and got out to watch. The trooper was
approaching the car when two men jumped out of it, and ran to some brush
nearby. She was shocked to see some sort of beam fire from the officer's
body, narrowly missing the men. Another beam hit the rear of the car and
caused the gas tank to explode.>

DJ: What th- Oh my g*d!

ShoggothBane: That's no police officer, MOVE, DJ!

<DJ pulled the sword from the sheath, and it vibrated with an eager, musical
tone. Something akin to an electric shock galvinized her body, then
propelled her towards the 'officer' with a blinding burst of SPEED!>

DJ: Hyaaaaaaa! <The 'officer' began to turn, and she was surprised to see
the face of the hated TED! With a mighty swing she cut the figure neatly in
two. Some sort of power thingy inside it must have been ruptured, because a
small explosion threw her onto a hummock of grass by the side of the road.>

Paul: That was astounding- you certainly saved our tails with that sword of
yours, young lady.

Brother Buford: Yeah- we had no way to call for chopper backup!

DJ: Tails? Chopper backup? You two really *are* katfans, aren't you?

ShoggothBane: Told 'ja!

Paul: Sure are! This is Brother Buford, and I'm Paul Kemner... hey- did that
sword just sass you?

DJ: Paul- I'm DJ, as in Dr. Jake Clawson! And yes- this sword just started
talking a little while ago, and I'm not totally used to it. His name is
ShoggothBane. I feel like I'm in a stereotypical fantasy novel!

Paul: Incredible- I should have known- that's your tour bus, I bet that's
Ed's sword that he loaned you- Buford, we're looking at one of the top kat
fanfic authors on the planet!

<The happy meeting was interupted by the sound of capacitors discharging in
the remains of the TedVax Model 4001, serial number 3421. Suddenly the
voice of UR-TED grates from the wreckage: "TedVax, stop playing with those
two and get back here right away! I have a very important announcement to
make and everyone must be KZZZZT!">

Brother Buford: There wouldn't by *chance* be any room on that bus for us,
would there?

DJ: If not, I'll use this *razor* to clear you a seat!

ShoggothBane: <groaning> Oh No! If I knew you were going to make bad kat
puns I would have the TedVax cook you like a *t-bone*.

<all groan as they board the bus>
=^^=


Received on Tue Jul 02 1996 - 23:39:03 PDT

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