Paul Kemner wanted me to write some more, so I did.
The character I know the most about is myself, so I'll take it from there.
If you don't like me talking about my car, don't read this :)
I love my car. It's my friend. Sorta.
Paul, I want you to add some to this. It was your idea to get me to write
again. You're in it, but you'll have to add your own part later. If you
want to, that is.
It's not meant to be funny, only a story continuation.
For time's sake, "Brother Buford" is BB.
Well, here goes:
The false Ted has been exposed by sniper Nicki Inge (for anyone who
doesn't know, he's one of my friends), the BattleSmurfs (TM) have been
vanquished, and Elvis has left the building. While no one is looking, BB
and Paul Kemner leap into BB's car and speed off in a cloud of dust (ala
"The Dukes of Hazzard").
Paul: You wanted me to come along, but where are you going? This better be
good.
BB: This car has no weaponry on it, but I know where to get some.
<The car speeds over dirt roads outside of Atlanta until it reaches a
deserted gas station about 5 miles outside a small town. BB slams on the
brakes and dust flies everywhere in a large cloud. Dust billows through
Paul's open window.>
Paul: <hack>...<cough>...Tell me <hack> before you do that again!
BB: Sorry, dude.
Paul: What is this? It's just an old gas station! What was so important
about coming out here?
BB: Only the greatest supply of weapons against Tedco... <pushes a button on
the dash> Watch...
<The dull hum of machinery and the sound of hissing hydraulic cylinders is
heard over the car's engine. The gas station begins to transform into a
fortified bunker.>
BB: My friend Nicki built this place in case the FBI ever decided to come
after him, but we can use it for a far greater cause!
<BB hits the gas, and the car enters into the shadows of the bunker
entrance. It winds down dim-lit decending corridors until it reaches an
enormous room. Colored lights illuminate the floor.>
BB: This bunker has a lot of top secret military stuff as well as a greater
weapon - some Disney movie tapes! Let Ted choke on those!
<Meanwhile, a shadowy figure walks out into the light of the sun from under
a tree near the former gas station. A red eye pierces the darkness of the
bunker entrance.>
Paul: This place has everything - anti-tank rifles, grenades, howitzers,
you name it! What are you doing to the car?
BB <pushing a wall switch>: Remember the Thundertruck? This car is going to
become the Badillac Cruisemobile!
<all sorts of machinery go to work, modifying the car into a fully armored,
high powered, armed-to-the-teeth version of it's previous self>
BB <to Paul, who is looking at the various weapons on a nearby table>: You
'bout ready to go?
Paul: You never can be too sure... <picking up a double-barrel shotgun and
a box of shells> I'm taking this, do you want to take one with you... just
in case?
BB: Uh, yeah... there's some better stuff in a room down the hall. I'll
show you what's there. Follow me.
<As the katfans walk down the hall, a red beam of light passes over the
Badillac Cruisemobile. The figure is not very careful, however, and tips
over a shell casing.>
Paul: What was that?
BB: Oh, great. Just what we need.
<the two run towards the auto workshop room>
BB: What in blue blazes?!
<The figure turns to face the katfans as his red eye illuminates their
confused visages.>
Paul: What?! Another Robo-Ted?
Figure: Another... I am TedVax Model 4001, serial number 3427. Threat
assessed. Destroy Katfans, confiscate vehicular conveyance.
<TedVax Model 4001, #3427 fires a canister of tear gas from it's arm, the
katfans jump behind a nearby barrel>
BB: Number 3427?! How many <cough> are there?
Paul: There must be <hack> other models - this one <cough> isn't as remotely
human as the other Robo-Ted we encountered. <sniff> <cough> *He* was
convincingly real...
BB: Where's that shotgun?! <hastily loads double-barrel> Eat this,
Ted-Scum! <fires both rounds at TedVax>
<TedVax is hit, but doesn't receive a scratch>
BB: He must be made of some mega alloy!
TedVax: BEEP...BEEP... recieving new orders from Turner High Command...
leave katfans, confiscate vehicular conveyance only...
Paul: He's not going to kill us, only steal the car?
BB: Does it matter? If he steals that we're going to end up dead anyhow!
<TedVax opens the heavy armored door of the Plymouth. A spike shoots out of
his right knuckle into the starter switch of the car (ala "RoboCop"), and
the car speeds off through the corridors trailed by a cloud of blue smoke>
TedVax <transmitting a message from UR-TED to the stranded katfans via the
car's onboard PA system>: HAHAHAHAHAHA! ALL KATFANS MUST PERISH! TED IS
THE SUPREME OVERLORD OF YOU ALL!!!!
<a loud explosion is heard through the complex, and dirt and parts of the
ceiling fall on the two katfans>
The voice of UR-TED: TedVax, head back to Atlanta! I have some unfinished
business there!
BB and Paul, crawling out from under the rubble: What now?!
<they search through the wreckage of the room>
BB: All TedVax left us undamaged is this shotgun, a potato gun, a copy of
"The Lion King", and a can of Raid.
Paul: I hope the bunch in Atlanta is faring better than we are...
--------
Well, that's enough for a while. Feel free to mangle my story, as I know
you all will :)
Brother Buford email: buford_at_halifax.com
============== Resident DOOM freak.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates
Received on Mon Jul 01 1996 - 23:15:09 PDT