Re: Ted's Excellent Speaking Engagement

From: Kay Chang <kaychang_at_eden.com>
Date: Mon, 1 Apr 1996 16:41:37 -0600 (CST)

>ON HOW TO BEAT THE COMPETITION: "I'm only 56. Rupert Murdoch
>(64) and Sumner Redstone (71) are the two guys in this business richer than
I am.
>But if the actuarial tables are right, *I'll* be the richest guy in the
business in
>another ten years."

Yeah, and *I'll* be the richest gal in about twenty. <G>

>ON HIS FUTURE: "I've got a pocketful of big plans. But I'm not going to
>show my hand. I mean, you didn't see Eisenhower faxing Hitler the plans
>for the invasion of Europe."

What? Is this guy for real? <G>

>ON GLOBAL EXPANSION: "We have our entertainment networks
>everywhere but Africa. And we're talking about going into Africa with
>'Tom and Jerry' because Africans like cartoons too. Trouble is, most
>of them don't have television sets or electricity."

'scuse me, sir, but how could they like s . . . oh, forget it. There's
nothing I could say here without insulting someone's intelligence. <RBG>

>ON BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD: "We have more cartoons than anybody:
>'The Flintstones', 'The Jetsons', 'The Smurfs', 'Scooby-Doo'. They're
nonviolent. We
>don't have to worry that we're encouraging kids to kill each other -- like
>*SOME* of the other cartoon programs do."

I'm sorry sir. I've never seen Beavis and Butt-head. And anyway, some of
those cartoons of yours are so boring, maybe they'll try and kill themselves
just to have something to do. (THat probably doesn't sound right . . .)

>ON THE CLASSICS: "..[Turner Broadcasting's] closing in on 4,000
>motion pictures. That's the good news. The bad news is 2,000 of them
>are in black and white. But that's not a problem because we
>colorized the best 100 of them."

Well, 4,001 won't kill ya. Make SWAT Kats into a movie!!!!!!!!
________________________END QUOTED MATERIAL______________

For *you.* <G>

>I especially adore that "Beavis and Butt-Head" paragraph. Guess nobody told
>him that Turner division "New Line" released the TMNT movies and "Mortal
>Kombat", huh? Not to mention optioning "Nexus".

Ahhhhhh, maybe he's already senile. Or maybe it Als-whatever, where you
gradually lose your memory. It can happen to people under sixty. <G>

>Quick Poll. You've been given a bag of popcorn and a large Coke, and
>someone's shoved you into the middle of a multiplex where the following
>films are showing. In front of which screen will you be found happily
munching?

Oh, this should be easy . . .

>1) "Captain Planet and the Planeteers: The Environment Needs You!"
> (Double-billed with re-runs of ABC's animated "Free Willy")

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Good one. Yeah right. <G>

>2) "The Smurfs: Gargamel won't sell me CBS!"

And lemme guess: Ted plays the smurfs, whoever's in charge of CBS is
Gargamel? (And whoever the guy is, good for him! I'd hate to see Turner get
his fat little paws on *another* TV station.)

>3) "The Jetsons Meet the Smurfs in 3D"

Ewwwww. I'm gonna be SICK!!!

>4) "The Flintstones: Fred 'n' Barney's Rap Vacation"

I hate the Flintstones. I'm not too fond of rap. End of story.

>5) "SwatKats: The Radical Movie!"

YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!Y
EAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!YEAH!
(answer your question? <RRBG>)

>(Okay, so we're biased. 'Sides, those damn 3D glasses never *did* work
> properly anyway...)

I *kn*ow . . . <G>

Ciao!

Terra Chang:
writer and poet
SWAT Kats lover
Anne Rice fan

"I dunno . . . I kinda figured teachers slept in coffins all summer."
                    --Calvin & Hobbes


Received on Mon Apr 01 1996 - 18:16:21 PST