Ted's Excellent Speaking Engagement

From: chance <chance_at_unix.infoserve.net>
Date: Mon, 1 Apr 1996 13:13:30 -0800

Some folks have wondered both here and in e-mail why The Ted does
certain things, apparently flying in the face of all logic. The following
excerpt from "Entertainment Weekly" might help answer some lingering
questions as to the motivational aspect of things, at least.

"Ted's Excellent Speaking Engagement"

When it comes to public speaking, Ted Turner is as composed, self-possessed,
and reserved as any professional would be. Professional wrestler, that is. In
a rambling, half-hour discussion at the recent Variety/Wertheim Schroder Big
Picture Media Conference in New York City, "Jane Fonda's last husband" --
as he called himself -- expounded on topics ranging from his recent attempts
to buy CBS, to the hottest company in entertainment ("Turner Broadcasting.
Next question."), to his personal business philosophy ("We leave no turn
unstoned"). Here's a sampling of the wit and wisdom of Chairman Ted.

ON HOW TO BEAT THE COMPETITION: "I'm only 56. Rupert Murdoch
(64) and Sumner Redstone (71) are the two guys in this business richer than I am.
But if the actuarial tables are right, *I'll* be the richest guy in the business in
another ten years."

ON HIS FUTURE: "I've got a pocketful of big plans. But I'm not going to
show my hand. I mean, you didn't see Eisenhower faxing Hitler the plans
for the invasion of Europe."

ON GLOBAL EXPANSION: "We have our entertainment networks
everywhere but Africa. And we're talking about going into Africa with
'Tom and Jerry' because Africans like cartoons too. Trouble is, most
of them don't have television sets or electricity."

ON BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD: "We have more cartoons than anybody:
'The Flintstones', 'The Jetsons', 'The Smurfs', 'Scooby-Doo'. They're nonviolent. We
don't have to worry that we're encouraging kids to kill each other -- like
*SOME* of the other cartoon programs do."

ON THE CLASSICS: "..[Turner Broadcasting's] closing in on 4,000
motion pictures. That's the good news. The bad news is 2,000 of them
are in black and white. But that's not a problem because we
colorized the best 100 of them."

________________________END QUOTED MATERIAL______________

I especially adore that "Beavis and Butt-Head" paragraph. Guess nobody told
him that Turner division "New Line" released the TMNT movies and "Mortal
Kombat", huh? Not to mention optioning "Nexus".

Quick Poll. You've been given a bag of popcorn and a large Coke, and
someone's shoved you into the middle of a multiplex where the following
films are showing. In front of which screen will you be found happily munching?

1) "Captain Planet and the Planeteers: The Environment Needs You!"
     (Double-billed with re-runs of ABC's animated "Free Willy")

2) "The Smurfs: Gargamel won't sell me CBS!"

3) "The Jetsons Meet the Smurfs in 3D"

4) "The Flintstones: Fred 'n' Barney's Rap Vacation"

5) "SwatKats: The Radical Movie!"

(Okay, so we're biased. 'Sides, those damn 3D glasses never *did* work
 properly anyway...)
"Dedicated to the indomitable spirit of the sled dogs that relayed
 antitoxin six hundred miles over rough ice, across treacherous waters,
 through Arctic blizzards from Nenana to the relief of stricken Nome in
 the winter of 1925. Endurance, Fidelity, Intelligence." -- "Balto"

Received on Mon Apr 01 1996 - 16:11:09 PST

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