Re: New story.

From: Ron Bauerle <BAUERLE_at_engr.erie.ge.com>
Date: Sat, 20 Jan 1996 22:17:20 -0500 (EST)

>From: butcher_at_iaw.on.ca (Paul Lapensee)

>Anyways I have made up some storys they you guys/gals might injoy maby even
>Joseph.
>Note I try to keep the story blanced between Sonic and others.

I didn't see Robotnik in there, but otherwise not bad...

>You may like of not I don't care I have spent a lot of time typing this story
>out so please only good comments.

I.e., you'd rather have no feedback at all than critical feedback? :^)

OK, here are just a few somewhat neutral questions and comments:
(spoiler warning for those who haven't read it, and if anybody on my
mini-mailing list wants a copy, let me know):

I guess I can accept that the power-ring's effect of freeing the will of a
roboticized invidivual will work on others besides Uncle Chuck, but then
the effect shouldn't have worn off like it did (actually, I assume
Mech-Tail permanently regained his will at the end through sheer willpower
like Uncle Chuck did too, so I guess that worked after all...)

I'm somewhat surprised that Packbell took orders from Snively the way he
did...

I don't know if I can believe the combination of an exploding roboticizer
and a used power ring can _unroboticize_ somebody (which is what I assume
the end meant). However, here's an idea for your next story: yes, this is
what happened, but the process left MechTail charged with an unstable
energy (insert Tech-babble here) that will kill him unless taken care of -
one choice would be re-robotization (or is is re-roboticization?), another
would be a noble sacrifice saving the others, and there's the quasi-happy
ending whereby he's cured, but the total process won't work again for
anybody else (standard plot device...)

You might have wanted to put your note about your spelling and grammar
needing work at the front of the story, that way Dan Drazen would save some
ink in his editor's pen :^)

All in all, not bad - bring on the next one!

RDB

Received on Sat Jan 20 1996 - 23:19:00 PST